Cheap motor insurers catch police non-payers red-handed.
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News just reaching us here at Insureyourmotor.co.uk confirms out worst suspicions. The police are delving into their substantial lottery syndicate funds to cheaply advertise for, semi-recruit and very nearly train volunteers of human-zee clones in preparation to do battle with the unconscious motorist. I kid you not.
In the driving outpost of Neston, Cheshire (population - ageing ) we learn that after an strenuous training regime, that included such extreme physical endurance tests as having to point a camera toward an unsuspecting motorist (hurtling toward them at speeds of up to and in excess of 30mph), and lifting a weighty Biro aloft, long enough to note passing registration numbers, these mean mothers of roadside pestilence have been released back into the wilds of the northern township to ensnare the unwitting.
The natural habitat of these conspicuously mild-mannered motoring predators are the highways and byways of this once lawless province of Cheshire, although heavily disguised as God-bothering, cagoule-clad do-gooders, they are otherwise instantly recognisable by their trademark £500 radar guns and holier-than-thou stare. And the fact that more often than not, they're seen in the close company of one of their siren-headed minders from the boys in blue. Just to oversee that those doing police work - unwaged - are actually up to it. What with the dangerous mission being so demanding of the recently- retired civil servant and all that. And of course, because the irritating lab rats haven't got the power of any arrest other than cardiac. If they have the inclination (which they will have) to apprehend demonic motorists powering through built up areas at 30.0000000001 mph - they can't. Instead, theirs is the huge responsibility of jotting down the unfortunate's vital statistics - and passing it on to plod; just as fast as their comfy-fit Scholls can traject them in the general direction of the constabulary. Who then do the real police work of bringing such wantonly heinous criminals to justice.
One of the nearly-police clone's chaperones is PC Garry Stock, Community Support Officer for Neston, who's confident that this controversial scheme, run in partnership with Age Concern, is working. Freeing up valuable police time so they can concentrate their efforts on real policing matters. Like the daunting administration tasks required for their Divisional Inter-Station Pool Leagues. He mumbled something like this;
"Last year we did some recording and found that just 8 out of 179 cars broke the speed limit when we were working in the area. Training people up (the Bible study group) to use this equipment we have, means they can get involved in tackling that problem themselves, and make a real difference to the quality of life for everyone".
Excepting the lives of those corrected for their wrong doings, who have to live with the distressing fact that not only have they been caught speeding; but, they've been reprimanded by the short arm of the re-written law belonging to their otherwise engaged hedge-disputing neighbour. A point not missed by scheme detractor and voice of reason Paul Smith, of lobby group Safe Speed, who thinks these proposals end up doing more harm than good. He shouts from his soapy box;
"I think it's outrageous. Schemes like this are designed to help communities, yet people are being pitted against each other. Once they've shopped all their neighbours all the funs gone out of it!"
Exactly.
Then those salaried by the motorist to actually do something vaguely akin to grafting/upholding the law of the land, have to go back to their cloning blueprint and adjust to the fact that doddering people in deerstalkers have their limitations. And best before date.
Absolute farce. It must be panto season every calendar month in Neston.
Mind, saying that, it is here at Insureyourmotor.co.uk. Insanely funny cheap motor insurance quotes, sold to you by badly made up people on the other end of a phone. If you want to be part of a cheap motor insurance audience in stitches, and enjoy much money saving mirth then Insureyourmotor.co.uk is where it's at!
Date - 21/09/2006
